Remembering the Friday of the Hamm Bash

We woke up Friday morning (the 4th) and got mostly ready. Mostly ready because Crystal and I were taking the kids first thing over to Golden Corral for breakfast...and we didn't want to ruin their matching outfits with syrup. And it was a good thing too...because P.M. spilled yogurt head to toe right off the bat. I wish I had taken a picture of THAT.

(And we stayed in a pretty cheap hotel...but the girls and I really enjoyed our time in the rented space. Addy thought it was a palace. ahahahahahha)

After breakfast we went in search of the RWR who had skipped breakfast in favor of a walk. He walked so far we had to get pick him up...but he found a really really nice park to get picked up in. So we let the cousins run around at the playground for awhile. They had a great time. I noticed that in that same area was a mini-golf park...and a pool. Is it crazy that I think Dewey might be a fun vacation spot?

Then we headed back to clean all up for lunch. Lunch was yummy. And then the rest of the afternoon was for visiting and relaxing.

Crystal and I spent some time connecting with some cousins who had also lost a brother in a car thing (thing because I can't say accident). Terry died like 13 years ago...and it was sooooo helpful to hear them talk about their own experiences with grief. And now I know them so much better. And I think they are both so special and funny. And they were so gracious to talk and talk and talk to us.

And then Crystal and I sat down to make cards. She had never made cards...and it was so fun watching her discover the pure bliss of designing and making your own card. We have continued to get out the stamp and paper goodies this week. This however...makes my heart miss Kim, because she was a card maker too...and she would have LOVED this year at the Hamm Bash.

Somewhere in all this...the Kernel...was found writhing in pain from a dislocated shoulder. My heart just about exploded for him. He is so big and strong and steady that it was awful to watch him hurt so bad. And I thought Sally just might throw up from watching him hurt so bad. He finally got it to go back in...but not before turning the color of dirty paper. Earlier in the afternoon...I beat him at ping pong. :) I'm sure the injury was due to my bootie-whipping ping pong skills. I even managed to beat the RWR once ... but mostly he did the whipping.

And that evening, Laura and her family FINALLY arrived...and we got to cry and talk and hug and that was soooooo good. And I kept thinking while we stood there hugging and crying, how it just wasn't right that our meeting this time was so...not the happy reunion of blogging buddies it was supposed to be. grrrrrrr.

During all this the kids got to watch movies.

After dinner, which was awesome, I mentioned they showed videos. The first video was the video that Sally, Crystal, and I put together of Gary and Kim for the funeral. It was followed by one of the news broadcasts with an interview from Wayland and Millie. I knew it would hard to watch again...but I didn't really expect it to rip through me. I was shaking, and sobbing (loudly), and I could hardly sit still. I wanted to throw up. All I could think was, "THEY AREN'T HERE--THEY AREN'T HERE--THEY AREN'T HERE." I had been having a hard time anyway. Walking in the door to the Bash each time...knowing they weren't inside. Getting everyone in a circle to pray...and they weren't there. Watching everyone family whole and complete...and ours had a horrifically huge hole. It was awful. And I kept thinking I was never ever ever ever again going to be OK. I was melting over and over. But the video was the last straw and totally did me in. Millie told everone after the video how thankful she was for them, all the prayers and support, and that each day they were getting better, and how they were going to be ok. I screamed in my head...I WILL NEVER BE OK!!!!

I finally passed off a sleeping Ellie and ran outside to cry and breathe deeply by myself. And by the time I got back...there were several concerned family members waiting for me at the front door. And then next...I had the most helpful, most healing, most revealing, most awesomest experience ever...and I think...just maybe...I might be ok.

I'm saving the telling of that experience for the next post...because it deserves its own.