Here is something though I found signifigant about grief. First, you think that it will NEVER happen to you and that if it did...you could NEVER live through it. You could never handle it. Like when I heard about Steven Curtis Chapman losing his daughter...I thought..."How sad...I could NEVER live through that."
Oh yes you can. And you do. There really isn't a choice. Yes...all those painful things you think about not being able to handle...like going through a loved ones clothes, their last letter, realizing you have a hotel booked for them for some upcoming thing...oh yes...you live through it. And it sucks. And it just about as painful as you would imagine.
I didn't know this. I think this will eventually make me more compassionate to others who are grieving. I can't handle anyone else grief at the moment...I'm all full up of ickiness. But later on...I can see understanding and not just, "I couldn't live through that"...which now seems the silliest thing to think to me.
And I keep finding new layers of grief to live through. Like when Millie and Wayland came back from working on cleaning out Kim and Gary's house...they walked in the door with this photo blown up and framed.
I know it isn't the best picture...but I was taking a picture of a picture...you know?
But after the tornado...Kim's family found their digital camera...but couldn't get it to work. When it finally got dried out and now it does work. And they were taking pictures of the storm they were in.
UGGGGGG...that just rips through my heart even sitting here! I dissolved into tears when I saw it and it took my a good while to gain control of my emotions again...although the now familiar wet coat of grief seemed heaver than normal for the rest of the evening.
The scripture on it says, Nahum 1:3 -- The Lord displays his power in the whirlwind and the storm.
I need a heart transplant. :) Mine hurts.
You're are getting through one day at a time...and you're doing great. The new layers of grief hurt each time...but I've found that usually there's a bit of a reprieve in between to give your heart a chance to rest and catch up a little. Just a little.
ReplyDeleteI would give you my heart if I could.
ReplyDeleteI love you.
Mom
Somehow, the other night, I didn't catch that this picture was from that night. I guess I walked into the conversation late. I'm glad I didn't know that Sat night.
ReplyDeleteThere is still nothing to say except I understand. The only words I can manage are words in prayer. I pray a prayer of coping and healing today. It is all I can do.
ReplyDeleteI keep coming and going from your blog, thinking about a response to make to this post. The picture does me in every time, for some reason... You just keep doing what you are doing, and I promise it WILL get better. Off to see if I can send you an email, because otherwise I'll take up WAY too much room in your comments section... HUGS!
ReplyDeleteYou are becoming the amazing young woman that God intends. You are gaining wisdom and compassion that will be so very valuable to you and all of God's children in the days, months, and years ahead. I am so glad that you are in my family. Know that you are loved by many let that love buoy you up as long as you need.
ReplyDeleteAmazing to me, though, is that you are sharing what you learn. That is a gift that not everyone gets.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, and prayers for you.
Psalm 17:8 - Keep me as the apple of the eye; Hide me in the shadow of Thy wings.