The Field

This post should probably come with a warning. I NEED to post about this stuff...so I never ever forget...and its rattling around in my mind and I need the rattling to stop. So...if you don't want to read about the car and the field it is lying in...don't read this post. The time I spent in the field with the car however...was incredibly powerful and healing for me.
This is picture of Gary and Kim's car before...well. Before.

This is picture of Gary and Kim's car as it sits in the field now. Although now...its been prodded and poked and we've been through it. Its seems...cleaner now to me.

It's a good 200 yards off of the highway. They had pulled off at a little semi circle rest stop. It was surrounded by huge trees. The first time we stopped there...it was...odd to see the HUGE trees laying on their side with roots dangling all around. And RIGHT across the highway was another huge line of trees. And I first imagined them flying around in the air and getting slammed into the wheat field. But they actually...I have no doubt...were slammed through the line of trees. And pretty much the car exploded in those trees...and slammed through some fence posts...and the bounced through the field a little to the right.

To me...each time I stand there looking at the tree line and the field and the car...I KNOW they never made it past the first tree...they were already home. That has incredible peace bringing power for me. That peace opens joy for their celebration at home...and a respite from the pain...and permission to simply enjoy who there were...even looking at the things they had in the car.

The first time we went through the field...we went with Crystal the RWR. I'm so glad they went with us. RWR said, "This is the most unique experience of my life, and I will NEVER forget it." That's pretty much true. As much it was horrific finding red pieces of that car all over in those trees (its like the car exploded)...it was also like a treasure hunt...finding the last pieces. Silly? Maybe. But everything we found became precious...and I had a hard time throwing even the yucky things away.

Here is a list of the things we found the first time: (after the authorities and Kim's parents had already returned a fair amount of things to us)

--A Deck of Cards strewn under a bush (for playing Power Uno--I smiled when I saw them)
--Netflix DVD's and envelopes (where they watching a movie on the laptop?)
--A book of crossword puzzles (soaked of course)
--Papers about their wedding rings
--Kim's 888 reading challenge books (Karen Kingsbury and Jane Austin)
--Magazines
--Scrapbooking stickers (including camo letters)
--Addy's birthday present (a smashed High School Musical trashcan)
--Gun clips and shells
--Shaving cream, diabetic vitamins (Gary's), razors, lotions, fingernail polish, hand sanitizer
--Kim's sunglasses (pink and broken)
--Gary's shoes (which I HATE are still sitting there...but what should we do with them?)
--Flashlight, pliers, and a homemade rope
--A cooler with peanut brittle in it...wrapped around a barb-wire fence
--A box with Kim's handwriting on it
--A shattered plastic box and note cards she was bringing me
--An instruction booklet for my camera
--A Bear for Little Major
--Lots of pieces of the car, an intact door handle (I have saved for special project), headlight, springs, trunkhood (found another 150 yards away)
--A big nail file in Kim's seat (I saved that one for my project too)
--A pack of thank you notes still in the plastic wrap (I saved those too)
--A destroyed purse type bad
--A really nice bag (Kim's bag...that I have saved and washed and have hanging in my kitchen)

And the big finds made that trip:
--Kim's glasses (Crystal pulled them out of a tree)
--A camo baby shoe for Little Major (I think RWR found that)

It was such a odd thing to do...pulling their stuff out of the brambles and bushes and trees...but so good to...to find pieces of their lives. And RWR mentioned how it was oddly beautiful out there. And it WAS peacefully beautiful out there in a field of golden wheat against a blue sky surrounded by green trees.

Last week the Kernel went out and found Kim's Bible and a Notebook.

And this time...I made a big find.
--Kim's cell phone. I found it lying open under a tree. It is sooo precious to me. I called her twice that morning before we found out. I know that somewhere inside its ruined parts...is an information chip holding that call. I love it.

Neal pulled the homemade rope off of the car to take home to Dad. And I also found the piece of the car that I think my door handle fits in. It has a key hole and everything. I kept it too.

And the Kernel didn't pick up Kim's notebook because...well...he's a boy. I picked it up because she was planning out her blog in it...and talking about some of her struggles. It's precious to me.

And THIS time...I noticed that the seat belts were still buckled. Wow.

I love the car. I wish it could stay there forever...its the last place they were...a monument to their story. I hate that is has to be moved. But Neal disagrees and can't wait for the insurance company to come and get it.

As I was saying goodbye to the car (how silly is that...to say goodbye to a car)...I tucked Gary's shoes into his seat. I found myself wishing for a can of spray paint to write "I love you" on that car. I settled for writing on the VIN sticker. I wrote "I love you Gary and Kim. I miss you. Bye."

And then I sobbed all the way out of the field back to our car. I wanted to take it home. :)

And then we went to the graves. This was much harder for Neal than me. I cried at the car...he cried when we had to leave the cemetery. I buried a few things from the nieces into the sunken corner of Gary's grave...and we removed the old yucky flowers and put new ones on. (And Laura...if you made it this far...you should know I put some flowers on your mom's stone too. I miss her too. And when Neal said he hated to leave them alone...I reminded him that your mom was there to take care of them. Again with the silly...but I can't help it.)

And now I have a brand new set of chigger bites to deal with. I'm sure I'm leaving things out (like the silly outfits we all wore the first time we went through the field)...but I'm all out of words now.

I loved them.