Dear Addy,

Ummm. Sometimes it is sooooo hard to be a mom. Sometimes I get it sooo wrong. And I know it. Sometimes I get it right. And I know it. But a lot of the time I'm just not sure if I did or said the right thing or the wrong thing. I have no way of knowing if what I told you or didn't tell you...did when you heard it in your heart. That is so scary.

I want more than anything for you to have a kind, generous, thoughtful, compassionate heart. I want for your head to be grounded yet imaginative. I want for you to be just who you are. And I want for your heart to love Jesus.

I want you to understand that life is hard...and you have to do your best with it.

I want you to understand that money means so little in this life when it really comes down to it.

I want you to understand that we all have to do things we don't want to do.

I want you to have experienced unconditional love through me.

I worry that you think I'm just mean. I worry that you think I'm too hard on you. I worry that you don't feel valued. I worry that you think I don't know anything about anything. I worry that you won't come to me when you are older with your mistakes and problems.

Tonight...I would give anything to be able to explain myself to you in about 14 years. Or even better, about the time YOU have 6 year old. I wish I could tell you THEN how badly I wanted to get it right NOW...and how much I hope TRYING to get it right might work in my favor.

I feel like I might not be teaching you enough about hard work...good habits...helping others...sigh.

Do you know my deepest fear...next to death maybe...is that you will grow up and think I did it wrong???

I've never been a mom to a 6 year old girl before. I hope you'll cut me some slack.

I love you little girl...

Mama