Everything

Feb 1, 2009:

"Prayer Audacity."

Everything belongs to God,
Everything comes from God,
Everything is dispersed by God.

Pray with Boldness and Audacity. Because God is approachable.
Pray with Boldness and Audacity. Because God is able.

Luke: 1:37 For Nothing is impossible with God.

I sat in church that morning, tears streaming down my face. I was wondering:

Why Lord have you not "dispersed" a blessing to us? (Lie)
Why Lord does everyone else have a good job but us? (Lie)
What is wrong with us Lord that you aren't blessing us? (Lie)
Why Lord do you always say NO? (Lie)

I'm pretty sure that the pastor looked right at me and said, "Pray for something sooo big that only God can answer it." I prompty went to the ugly cry. You know...where the snot is running down your face.

Is is big enough Lord to pray that you give Neal a job in this awful ecomony?
Can I pray that?

Truth: The Lord blessed us over and over and over and over during this past season. Bills were paid. Rent was made. Extra special blessing were granted to my children. Peace was provided. I called...He Came.

Truth: There is nothing in my life God will allow that the cannot work for good.

Truth: Sometimes God says wait. And SOMETIMES he says, Ummm...I have a better way.

Truth: God delights in me for showing up. Even if I show up and promptly throw up on his robe.

Truth: My precious Christian family was praying for Neal to get a job. Because right now...in this economy (which is real)...in the middle of delayed paperwork...troubling physicals...past mistakes...hiring freezes...

...Neal started a new job on Monday.

And it could only have been God. It wasn't us. He couldn't do enough interviews, pay enough bills, correct enough old mistakes, know enough people, or be healthy enough to make it all happen. It could only have been HIM.

I feel a little battle weary. I feel a LOT like I just ended a horrific hot nasty bloody diseased journey through some treacherous thorn filled place. I feel its just now safe to sit a minute and rest. Like something awful has stopped chasing me.

And while the new job has many new demands to be met. I think that maybe...just maybe...I may have passed part of this last test. I've had to take it several times before. But this time was better.

Truth: He is so good. To Me.

I never again want to act like he isn't enough. He WAS there the many time I came downstairs in the dead of night and called. After all...to where would I run?