We interrupt this blog:

For nearly a year of healing, restoring, joy finding, and recovery. I'm back in. Turns out some of what I was looking for I already had.

One Year Ago...

Well. I have been thinking about this post for about a year. I have been writing it in my head for a year. But nothing I think of in my head is what I want to say.

This week last year is maybe the most detailed experience in my memory.
But I don't think most of you want to hear the details again.

I wish that I could write the testimony of how faithful the Lord was. While he was...it still hurts too bad and I'm still so ... angry? grieved? Whatever...that post won't be written this year. Maybe a different year I can testify like Christy.

For this year...the day has been worn with grief and anxiety.

I miss them. Still.

Times of WAR and time of Peace

My daughter Addy has started a war today. The ongoing food war. We WERE in a time of peace. But there was some subtle shift in her mind today...and now...its all out attack.

Me: (trying to be a cool mom) I will make you a grilled cheese for breakfast today!
Her: Ooooh. Ok...but you know how I like it. No burn...just light light light brown.
Me: Sure!

So away I go...buttering the bread...with real butter...and slicing up some yummy cheddar cheese. Oooh gooey. And then at just the right moment where it is lightly toasted and melty...I remove it from the skillet and slice it up into triangles.

Her: Oh. I wanted a circle!
Me: Oh...can you deal with it this time?
Her: Sigh. I guess.

2 minutes later...

Her: Mom...You cut the cheese too thick.
Me: (My head exploded looking at the sandwich with one bite gone and pushed away.) Too thick???
Her: Yeah...I don't like it.
Me: To thick!!! Well. You don't have to eat it. But you can't have anything else...and I probably won't be making another grilled cheese for you anytime soon if you won't eat it because I might cut the cheese too thick.
Her: Ok.
Me: OH MY GOSH! Well..go throw it away.
Her: Ok.
Me: You will get hungry at school!
Her: No I won't. We have morning snack.
Me: (Oh Lord, please let it be something she won't eat.) Well...ARG!

After stomping around in disbelief...

Me: Don't you know that "the cheese is too thick" is soooo over the top ridiculous??? I mean...not too burned...too smelly...too dry....too...whatever. Too thick is CRAZY! Think about all those orphans in Africa that Nana works with that either have nothing...or just ground up corn! (I can't believe I actually pulled that one out.) That is CRAZY! And RUDE! And over the top picky! I try so hard to fix things I know you like...but NO MORE! If I can't even make you a grilled cheese!
Her: Well...I can eat at school.
Me: SUMMER IS COMING!!!!!!!

----

Ummm. I have a feeling that someone in my house is in for several days of being hungry. Cause oh my gosh.

I remember being a fairly picky eater as a little kid...though I outgrew that. Sooner than my mom thinks though. I was rattling off all the foods I would eat to her...demanding she name one I wouldn't eat. She couldn't come up with one...but I think I was thinking as an older kid. She was laughing at how I couldn't get Addy to try deviled eggs.

I try to not ask my kids to eat things I struggled to like...or are really crazy to ask. Like asparagus...or liver. I try to fix things there are elements of that they like. Even if we have tacos...I don't mix the beans in their meat. I get it. I think little kids have really sensitive taste buds...and like bland food. I get it. I think as you grow...you will like more things. Tastes and texture desires change. I don't really care for veggies allll up in my spaghetti sauce...I'm not gonna ask them to either. And it took me a long time to like chunks. I have lots of patience at the table. Cause I remember needing it too. And I don't want them to be hungry.

I have my limits though. We don't make 5 different meals...and if you don't eat it...you don't get a treat later. No special foods. Cause I try to give them something they will eat in the first place.

I'm all about being sneaky...(mind you...that same cheese was alllll smeared over the homemade mac and cheese she gobbled up yesterday...complete with sneaky zucchini and cauliflower.)

But toooo thick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too far....my patience is up. War is on. Go on hunger strike. Fine by me.

And I'm sure after the strike...I'll go back to fun patient meal mommy...but not right now. Tonight I think we'll be having something with big ol' chunks of tomatoes and some strong fresh Parmesan cheese. That grilled cheese will be looking goooood.

But the best part of the Snow Day is this:

Nothing like cuddling with the sleepy-who all worn out from playing in the snow!

Snow Day!

Well...we did not get the inches and inches and inches of snow I was hoping for like SOME people over in the other parts of the state...but we got enough to have blast! And I feel a little bit like my winter was redeemed. :) And since we got enough ice to cause things to be bit sketchy...Neal got to stay home today and play! But not enough ice to cause us to lose power. Woohoo!

Getting Ready:



The Snowball Fighters (I did not throw but like...one...or two...but kept getting chases and nailed.)





The great artwork of the day: Our Snow...person!

Truth truth truth...can't seem to get enough

I have become a huge fan of Tenth Avenue North. Like...I MUST be the reason for the publication of their CD, "Over and Underneath."

Lie: The Lord wasn't there...

Truth:

I hear you say my love is over...
its underneath...
its inside...
its inbetween

the times you doubt me when you can't feel
the times that you question is this for real?

the times you're broken
the times that you mend
the times you hate me
and the times that you bend

well my love is over
its underneath...
its inside...
its inbetween...

these times you're healing and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal

in times of confusion and chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow
under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm

My love, I will keep you by my power alone.

I don't care where you've fallen
or where you have been.
I'll never forsake you.
My love never ends.
It never ends.

--Good grief. This might as well be my story.

My foot

A few pictures of my latest injury for those of you don't live close...or don't Facebook. (Which oh my word...at first...I LOVED it. I'm currently undecided. I may return to my first love. Blogging.)

My special shoe:

This week:

Last Week:



I am "clumsy." Thats the nice way of saying it. :)